Advice Corner | I Need Him To Leave
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I (34f) would love some guidance on starting a conversation with my
husband (30m) in which I intend to tell him that I need him to step up
as the leader of the family.
I admit I am a rather bold and independent woman. I have always been proud of this, but as I am getting older, I am finding my desire to
be led is growing. For context, I have always been the more serious
partner while my husband is the sillier one.
I feel as though I am the one making life happen. I am the one to sign
our kids (two daughters, 11 and 4) up for sports, I am coaching, I
handle school forms and supplies, I volunteer at daycare, I manage
our schedules, I manage our finances (I'm the only one investing and
the only one looking to build wealth and plan for retirement), if
anything breaks in the house I am the one to fix it or call a specialist, I
am the one to plan 98% of quality family time. If I don't plan a family
activity or outing then we would all sit home watching television every
day, and often I feel like he partakes in activities not because he wants
to, but because I want him to. There really are no conversations
deeper than "how was work today?" unless I initiate them, and even
then, it feels like a mostly one-sided conversation to me.
I want to be fair; he does do his share of housework (dishes,
vacuuming, laundry) and he works for himself doing construction. I am
white collar, and he is blue collar. But I feel like I work and do chores
and then do so much more. I am feeling like I am the man of the house
and it's making it hard to respect him, which makes it hard to feel
connected to him, which makes it hard to be interested in sex or
intimacy. He has a history of not receiving my feelings well, and while
he has improved, I still find myself choosing to bite my tongue, and this
is something I don't think I should continue biting my tongue about. I
need him to hear me without being defensive.
Please share your thoughts. I appreciate you very much, there is
nowhere else I can be so transparent.
husband (30m) in which I intend to tell him that I need him to step up
as the leader of the family.
I admit I am a rather bold and independent woman. I have always been proud of this, but as I am getting older, I am finding my desire to
be led is growing. For context, I have always been the more serious
partner while my husband is the sillier one.
I feel as though I am the one making life happen. I am the one to sign
our kids (two daughters, 11 and 4) up for sports, I am coaching, I
handle school forms and supplies, I volunteer at daycare, I manage
our schedules, I manage our finances (I'm the only one investing and
the only one looking to build wealth and plan for retirement), if
anything breaks in the house I am the one to fix it or call a specialist, I
am the one to plan 98% of quality family time. If I don't plan a family
activity or outing then we would all sit home watching television every
day, and often I feel like he partakes in activities not because he wants
to, but because I want him to. There really are no conversations
deeper than "how was work today?" unless I initiate them, and even
then, it feels like a mostly one-sided conversation to me.
I want to be fair; he does do his share of housework (dishes,
vacuuming, laundry) and he works for himself doing construction. I am
white collar, and he is blue collar. But I feel like I work and do chores
and then do so much more. I am feeling like I am the man of the house
and it's making it hard to respect him, which makes it hard to feel
connected to him, which makes it hard to be interested in sex or
intimacy. He has a history of not receiving my feelings well, and while
he has improved, I still find myself choosing to bite my tongue, and this
is something I don't think I should continue biting my tongue about. I
need him to hear me without being defensive.
Please share your thoughts. I appreciate you very much, there is
nowhere else I can be so transparent.
